Illegitimi non carborundum

initiation | demolition | reconstruction | confrontation | absolution



CODA: ABSOLUTION
(Morgana)

It's dark when Morgana wakes up. She sits for a moment, clutching at her sheets and blinking into the darkness while her eyes adjust to the scene. Her hands clutch against the fine sheets, and the texture of then surprises her. She feels off-kilter, like she has been dreaming, only she can't remember.

She pulls herself shakily to her feet, nightgown swirling around ankles as she makesher way to the window. She nearly gasps at the sight outside.

There are stars spanning the sky, hundreds of thousands of them. She sits down next to the window, craning her neck so she can see more of them, spiralling up to the heavens and into infinite possibilities.

Gwen finds her there the next morning, curled up against the stone wall, her face still cast toward the sky even in sleep. "What in heavens are you doing, Morgana?" she asks. "Did you have another one of your dreams?"

"No," she answers immediately, but though she can't remember, she thinks the answer might indeed be yes. "I woke up and saw the stars."

"The stars, milady?" Gwen asked, her eyebrow raised.

"They're beautiful," Morgana whispers. "It's almost as if I've never seen them before."

"They'll be there tomorrow night," Gwen assures her. "And the next."

Morgana stands shakily, her knee protesting the long night spent against the cold stone. She feels different somehow, like she's missed something huge. "Gwen," she says finally, "do you know where I can find Merlin?"

"Arthur's on the practice field." If Gwen's surprised by her query, she doesn't show it. "I expect Merlin will be attending to him as normal."

It's all Morgana can do to keep from dashing to the practice field half dressed. She lets Guinevere attend to her, but skips her usual leisurely breakfast in favour of making her way to Merlin.

Merlin's exactly where Gwen predicted, leaning against the wall as Arthur runs his knights through drill after drill, correcting tactical errors from the most recent magical invasion. Morgana approaches Merlin slowly, coughing to get his attention. He jumps at the sound, spinning around to meet her and just for a second, she sees a flash of something, sees a man with no face, but it's gone as soon as his face settles into a smile. "Morgana! How are you this morning?"

"Very well," she says, picking her words carefully. "But you must think I look a mess. I've spent most of the evening watching the stars."

"The stars?" he echoes, voice tinged with something she doesn't want to recognize.

"I had a dream, I think," Morgana says. "I dreamed the stars disappeared. When I woke up, I felt I must watch them for the rest of the night to make sure nothing else changed. It seems silly now, but I feel like I've missed something grand."

"You haven't." Merlin's voice is unusually short. "Everything is as it should be."

On the practice field Arthur runs his knights through the drills again. "What's brought this on?" she asks. "They've suffered great losses in the past few weeks, I'm surprised Arthur has not simply instructed them to rest."

"We came very close to the end of things." Merlin sounds weary. Far more weary than she has ever heard. It is hard to think of him as anything but the Prince's shadow. Still, she has these pictures in her head, faded like a half-forgotten dream: pictures of Merlin ending a terrible battle with only the power of his mind and a scared boy dragging her away from a man with no face. Merlin looks like little more than a boy but sometimes he speaks and he sounds ancient, infused with power and wisdom too great for his age.

It occurs to Morgana, however distantly, that this is the most dangerous man she has ever met.

She clears her throat. "I've had dreams lately. Terrible things. I dream of a coming darkness and a fight that will be spoken of throughout history… and I fear we may end up on opposite sides."

Merlin turns back to the practice field where Arthur has finally dismissed the knights. "I will stand by Arthur," he says. "Always."

Morgana feels a chill sweep through her despite the heat. She would not want to face the two of them united, but she knows she cannot side with Arthur so long as he remains Uther's loyal son. "For now though," she says. "For now we are friends."

"Merlin!" Arthur calls. "Get over here. I need you to actually do some work."

"Of course we're friends," Merlin says, the glimmer of power in his voice vacating to leave just the boy. "We'll be friends as long as we are able."

Arthur is already moving back toward the castle. Merlin jogs after him, smiling good-naturedly and they fall into step side by side.

(end)

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